Always wanting to write something...

Alwayyys wanting to write something..and I recently looked at my timehop and realized just how long ago I wrote something on here. It makes me upset, I used to have so many ideas about what to write on here and now it just seems like my mind is blank.

I want to share my thoughts with people although I never really understand why since who would really care what I have to say anyways.

Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in the monotonous rut of every day life, and don't get me wrong, I love certain aspects of my life and I'm incredibly grateful for everything I have ( my husband, Charlie, my house, ect.)... but sometimes I just feel like I'm meant for so much more than what I'm doing. I've been wanting to make YouTube videos for awhile, but every time I go to start I get nervous and just end up forgetting it for awhile. It's something that I've been wanting to do for years now. I just feel kind of stupid for wanting to do something like that, cause what I am even good at? Why would anyone care enough to watch my videos? I just feel like I'm stuck in this vicious circle in my mind...

I'm not even really sure why I feel so drawn to YouTube, I guess it's just because you get the chance to interact with people who love the same things you do. I haven't always been the most social person and I never really had a lot of friends, so maybe that's just it...maybe I just want to be that friend for people who are like me.

I know this is really rambly and stuff, I've just been thinking about a lot lately and it just won't go away. Sometimes it just helps to get thoughts out there instead of leaving them trapped in your head, because that's when they become toxic.

Where do I start? What's my next step in life?